How to Recognize Spiritual Fathers

And reject the imposters

“For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.” 1 Corinthians 4:15

Most have heard about the long-term negative effects of fatherlessness — poverty, substance abuse, and promiscuity among other things. A less-discussed side effect is how fatherlessness often leads to children who are especially vulnerable to exploitation and radicalization. Wilson Muna notes:

The role of fathers in both recruitment and prevention of violent extremism cannot be ignored or dismissed. In many cultures, the father-son relationship is defined particularly when sons become of age. Empirical literature has shown that in the cases where the father figure is absent, feelings of resentment and isolation become evident. These may at times contribute to a young person’s vulnerability to recruitment into violent extremism.

It’s not hard to see why.

Fatherless children, not having grown up around the sacrificial stability that a father provides, are easy targets for would-be “influencers,” who often position themselves as a safe place to land for outcasts. Such tribes offer the purpose, camaraderie, and belonging they never had growing up. Only those who have endured the wasting pain of loneliness know just how alluring such “communities” can be.

Fatherlessness is a debilitating rot at work in the heart of the West. But here I want to address a related, though not equivalent theme — the absence of spiritual fathers. Such an absence, I believe, is partly to blame for the rise in extremism we are increasingly seeing in evangelical circles.

Ideal Conditions

Megan Basham’s recent book Shepherds for Sale provided an honest but bleak survey of hireling culture that has been simmering underneath broader evangelicalism for the past several decades. Many Christians leaders who were once held in high esteem were revealed to have been laundering woke ideas. Others have disqualified themselves amidst public scandal. Here in Canada, it was revealed during the dark years of covid measures that many pastors were more concerned about offending Caesar than feeding Christ’s sheep.

Because there are so few spiritual fathers left, and so few biblical churches on the evangelical landscape, many Christians find themselves as spiritual orphans. Combine this with a culture in which there exists no civic consensus, no trust in institutions, and no exposure to history, and you have ripe conditions for extremism to take hold. As indeed it has.

This isn’t just a modern problem either. In ancient Rome, children would often be left to be raised by mothers and servants. Roving bands of teachers called sophists would easily capture the hearts of these spiritual orphans, using them to inflate their own reputations. Even many teachers in the fledgling Christian church were out for their own benefit (i.e. Hymenaeus, who loved the preeminence that a position of authority gave him). Into such a culture Paul speaks, offering himself not simply as one more guide, but a spiritual father.

What is a spiritual father? Perhaps we should start with what it isn’t. It isn’t a biblical office, such as a pastor or deacon. Nor is it a title, in the Roman Catholic sense, that we should ever ascribe to anyone in any official capacity. Perhaps we could describe spiritual fatherhood as older Christian men who, through their demonstration of sober-minded leadership, provide a model of imitation for younger believers. Much as Paul described himself in 1 Corinthians 1:11, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.”

How do we identify spiritual fathers?

Evidence: 

“You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings—what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them.” 2 Timothy 3: 10,11

“You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers.” 1 Thessalonians 2:10

A spiritual father’s life isn’t hidden, or far away, from those around him. Other Christians can witness their lives. They can observe how he responds to false accusations, faithfully plods in the midst of trials, and how he bears up under suffering. The fruit of his life or ministry is evident: happy, obedient children, a respectful wife, a holy church, a public faith. His teaching endures beyond trends and fads.

A practical application here is that we’ll only be able to identify spiritual fathers as we’re in physical proximity to their lives. We know how he treats his family, his dog, and his neighbors. Though we may benefit from the teaching and instruction of virtual “guides,” they shouldn’t be seen as a replacement for spiritual fathers. You can’t possibly assess faithfulness via a sermon stream or a series of hot takes on X. I’m not old, but I’ve lived long enough to have noticed a concerning disparity between online and physical presence. We all dream of a flawless hero. And social media provides just the right amount of distance to imagine such a thing really exists.

What this means is that your real spiritual fathers probably won’t be as sparkly and hallowed as your online or conference-circuit fathers. You will know your spiritual fathers’ strengths and weaknesses as children know their biological father’s weaknesses. You will know their sins. And they will know yours. It’s the kind of situation that tends to shut down any gauzy romantic lighting fairly quickly, and so also the kind of situation ripe to demonstrate the power of God in our weakness.

Humility:

And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2: 1-5

To say a spiritual father must be weak is to leave the door open for all kinds of bad takes. I’m not saying that he should look like John Ames from Gilead, who everyone treats as a kind of sad town pet. There was perfect consistency between the power of Paul’s distance letters and the power of his physical presence. Paul was a man who could rebuke even such an exalted teacher as Peter face to face and yet also act as a tender mother among his churches.

When we see that a spiritual father must be weak, we mean he must be weak in himself. For Paul, this was a mark of his authenticity as a gospel teacher. The sophists wanted to build their brand and gather a bunch of followers. They weren’t interested in improving their followers at all. They were only interested in building their platform.

Paul’s ministry, and the ministry of all spiritual father’s, was antithetical to this. He knew that he was just a seed planter, and that the growth, if it came, was outside of him. Practically, ask this question about the “spiritual fathers” in your life. Do they tell you the whole counsel of God — the things that lose them followers as well as gain them? Are they quick to recognize and combat unhealthy trends in their flock? Are they quick to defend themselves and slow to acknowledge their errors? Are they quick to use inflammatory language to shock or gain influence?

This leads to a third quality of spiritual fathers.

Spiritual fathers are eager to be forgotten

John’s response, in light of his followers coming to him to say Jesus was gathering more followers than he was, was joy. “He must increase and I must decrease.”

John’s public ministry, from an earthly perspective, was an utter failure. He spent most of his life in the desert eating found honey and bugs. When he finally arrived on the scene, his public ministry lasted about three months. Three months. He barely registered on the richter scale of history. And yet here was a true spiritual father. He was not interested in keeping his life. He knew his life wasn’t about him, or his ministry. It was about the kingdom of God. 

Practically, in your search for spiritual fathers, you’ll want to find the ones who don’t care how big or small their influence is. Their ambition is to be faithful with the talents they’ve been given — be they one or five. Those who are constantly calculating their speech, and maneuvering their public profile, are (jedi hand wave) not the spiritual fathers you are looking for. The spiritual fathers you are looking for are likely going to be pretty unspectacular. They’re probably not going to have a massive online presence. They’re probably not going to be the ones constantly invited to conferences.

But they’ll be there when you lose a loved one. They’ll be there when your marriage is on the rocks. They’ll be there in the midst of a big decision. They’ll be there for baptisms, weddings, and funerals. Sadly, too many Christians have fallen prey to worldly metrics in their search for faithful shepherd and have been led into many speculations and strange teachings because of it.

Christ is the true Shepherd. May we imitate his under-shepherds only as they imitate him.